What Kind of Socializing Feels Good to You?

I’ve been thinking lately about how different we all are when it comes to our social lives.

I like people. I enjoy meeting new people and I’ll strike up a conversation with just about anyone. But I also need a fair amount of downtime. I’ve realized that I don’t want to fill every available opening on my calendar just because I could be doing something social.

When I do spend time with people, I tend to want one of two things. I either want to be with someone I can have a really good conversation with, where we can talk about what we’re thinking, experiencing or figuring out. Or I want to actually do something together around a shared interest.

That’s what feels good to me. But I’ve realized that’s certainly not everyone’s idea of a satisfying social life.

I know people who love having lots of plans and a big circle of people to do things with. They enjoy casual dinners, events, group activities and seeing different people throughout the week. Other people are happiest spending a lot of time alone, and when they do socialize, they’d much rather spend a few hours one-on-one with someone they know well.

Some people love sitting and talking for hours. Others connect much more naturally when there’s something to do. Put them across the table from someone and tell them to “get to know each other” and they may want to crawl out a window. Put a game, project or activity in front of them and suddenly they’re laughing and talking without thinking about it.

And don’t even get me started on phone calls. For some people, calling is affection. For others, it’s apparently an act of aggression. 😂

None of this means one person is more social, more connected or better at relationships than another. It has made me wonder whether we sometimes ask ourselves the wrong question.

There’s so much conversation right now about connection and the importance of having people in our lives. I obviously believe relationships matter. A lot.

But maybe a satisfying social life isn’t necessarily about having more connection. Maybe it’s about understanding what kind of connection actually works for you.

Do you want a few people you know really well or a bigger circle with lots of activity? Do you feel closest to someone through conversation or through doing things together? How often do you actually want to socialize? How much time alone do you need?

And maybe the most interesting question is this: What makes you leave time with someone thinking, “That was exactly what I needed”?

I’ve found that knowing my own answers helps me make better choices about where I put my time and energy. It also reminds me not to assume someone else wants friendship or socializing to look exactly the way I do.

So maybe it’s worth giving some thought to what kind of connection actually leaves you feeling satisfied.

Not what your social life is supposed to look like.

What actually works for you?