When You’re Doing it All, but Missing What Matters

The other night, I climbed into bed bone-tired – not the good kind of tired after a great day, but the kind of midlife exhaustion that makes your soul sigh.

I’d gone from my mediation practice to working on Funderful, to volunteering at the senior center, to Costco, to watering my 35 indoor plants (yes, really), to walking Wrigley, to remembering it was garbage night – all without once sitting down with Joe to actually talk about our day.

I missed him, even though we were in the same house – it was a kind of emotional disconnection – moving around each other like ghosts in a well-run machine.

Between running two businesses, keeping the house functioning, and managing all the little things that somehow become big things when you ignore them, it’s easy to fill every minute but miss the moments that actually matter.

A full calendar isn’t the same as a full life – especially in midlife, when connection matters more than constant productivity.

Sometimes the most productive thing we can do is… nothing.

(Not “scrolling while pretending to rest,” but actual nothing – which feels uncomfortable at first. Yet sometimes, stillness is where the real connection starts.)

When Busy Becomes a Habit

Last winter, while redesigning our Equitable Mediation website, I completely lost myself in the process. Between client work, writing copy, choosing color palettes, and managing two agencies, I fell into a pattern of 12-hour workdays – classic midlife burnout hiding in plain sight.

When stress kept me awake at night, instead of resting, I just worked more. I wasn’t exercising, barely kept up with personal care (my mental overload was louder than my common sense,) and rarely went outside – my car battery even died from non-use. (Apparently, you actually have to drive a car to keep it alive. Who knew?)

One night I finally looked up from my laptop and said (out loud, to Wrigley):

“This is f-ing bullsh*t.”

That was my wake-up call.

The website was supposed to be done before Christmas so Joe and I could enjoy our staycation, but the timeline slipped. I had a choice: push through the holidays or protect what actually mattered.

The old me would’ve sacrificed everything to “get it done.” But instead, I did something radical – I set a boundary – a small but powerful step toward intentional living in midlife.

I chose rest over rush. People over projects. Peace over perfection. That choice saved my sanity and reminded me that urgent is not the same as important.

Sometimes, the boldest move isn’t to do more – it’s to stop.

The Cost of Constant Doing

We live in a culture that glorifies busy – where constant productivity gets mistaken for purpose. But busyness is often just noise. It’s how we avoid discomfort, grief, or the quiet voice asking whether we’re really happy.

When we pause the constant doing, we give ourselves a chance to hear our own truth.

Because when you stop rushing, you start feeling – and your nervous system finally gets a say.

That’s where connection begins.

When do you feel most alive and grounded in your day – and what would change if you gave more of your energy to that?

Try This: Subtract to Connect

Pick one recurring task, obligation, or habit that drains you – a form of chronic busyness you’ve been tolerating. Hit pause on it for just one week.

(Please don’t pick brushing your teeth, paying your bills, or feeding your pets. That’s not the vibe.)

Use that reclaimed time to do something nourishing: sit in silence, take a walk without your phone, linger over dinner with someone you love.

You might be surprised at what opens up when you make space for nothing. Because sometimes the most meaningful thing we can do is stop doing.

“Beware the barrenness of a busy life.” — Socrates