Have You Ever Been Happy Until You Started Comparing?

I have a terrible habit of checking my phone before I’m fully awake.

One morning, I opened Instagram and within minutes saw a woman looking effortlessly chic, another with the kind of makeup-free skin that makes you question every product in your bathroom and someone else vacationing somewhere in Europe that looked considerably more exciting than Carlsbad at 7:00 a.m.

Five minutes earlier, I had been perfectly fine.

Now I needed better clothes, better skin and apparently a trip to Italy.

It’s amazing how quickly comparison can change the way we see a life we were perfectly happy living before we looked at someone else’s.

I’ve caught myself doing this in all kinds of ways. Someone else’s business seems to be growing faster. Someone has a beautiful home. A great social life. A talent I wish I had. Suddenly I’m not simply noticing something wonderful about another person. I’m using it as evidence that I’m somehow behind.

Social media didn’t create comparison, of course. Humans have probably been looking over the proverbial fence forever. But now we can look over hundreds of fences before breakfast, which seems a little excessive.

At one point, I realized there were certain people I needed to stop following. Not because they’d done anything wrong, but because I noticed a pattern in myself. I’d see their posts and consistently walk away feeling worse about me.

One was someone who had worked for me when she was a teenager and later became a reality TV star. I genuinely liked her and was happy for her success. But watching her life unfold online wasn’t bringing out the best in me.

So I unfollowed her.

It felt a little ridiculous at first. Shouldn’t I be evolved enough to celebrate someone else’s success without comparing it to my own?

Maybe. But I also don’t keep cookies in the house and then congratulate myself every night for not eating them. Sometimes knowing yourself means making things a little easier on yourself.

I’ve also been trying to stop starting my mornings with social media. My brain does not need access to everyone else’s highlight reel before it has had coffee.

And when I notice comparison creeping in, I try to get curious about what’s underneath it. Sometimes someone else’s life points to something I genuinely want. That’s useful information. Maybe I want more travel, more creativity or more fun in my own life.

But there’s a big difference between “I’d like more of that” and “Her having that means there’s something wrong with me.”

I’m still capable of crossing that line. My inner critic hasn’t packed her bags and moved out. She just doesn’t get quite as much authority as she used to.

The question I find most useful isn’t whether I ever compare myself with other people. I’m human. I do.

It’s whether I’m letting someone else’s life determine how I feel about mine.

Because sometimes nothing about our lives has changed. We just looked at somebody else’s.