How Easy Is It to Get to Know You?

I spend a lot of time thinking about what helps people genuinely connect with each other.

But recently, I started thinking about a slightly more uncomfortable question: Am I easy to get to know? Because apparently other people aren’t solely responsible for making my relationships interesting.

How rude. 😂

We talk a lot about finding our people. We wonder whether we’ll click with someone, whether she’ll be friendly, whether she’ll ask us questions, whether we’ll have anything in common.

But how often do we turn that around and ask: What is it like for someone else to try to get to know me?

I don’t mean whether you’re friendly. You can be perfectly warm, pleasant and likable and still be surprisingly hard to know.

Think about a conversation like this:

“How was your weekend?”

“Good! How was yours?”

“Good!”

Well, that was riveting. 😂

Neither person did anything wrong. But neither gave the other much to work with.

Now imagine instead:

“How was your weekend?”

“Really good. I tried this little Italian restaurant I’ve been wanting to check out forever.”

Suddenly, there are places to go.

Where was it? Was it good? What did you order? I love Italian food. Have you tried that place on…

One tiny detail gave the other person a thread to pick up. And I think we sometimes underestimate how important those little threads are. Connection is a two-person job.

Being genuinely curious about someone else matters. A lot.

But there’s another side of connection that gets talked about less: We also have to let ourselves be known. That doesn’t mean oversharing. You do not need to hand someone your emotional autobiography while waiting in line at Trader Joe’s.

It simply means giving people a little something to discover.

An opinion. A story. Something you’re excited about. Something that made you laugh. A place you went. Something you’re learning. A glimpse of what makes you you.

And then there’s the other half: when someone gives you one of those threads, pick it up.

Ask another question. Get curious. Remember the answer.

Because genuine connection isn’t something another person either gives us or doesn’t.

We create it together.

So the next time you’re talking with someone, pay attention to the little conversational threads you’re giving and receiving.

When someone asks you a question, instead of automatically giving the shortest possible answer, offer one more detail. And when someone gives you a detail, don’t rush past it. Pick it up.

You don’t have to become more outgoing. You don’t have to reveal anything you don’t want to reveal. And you definitely don’t have to turn every conversation into something profound.

Just make yourself a little easier to know.

And see where it goes.