Why Fun Isn’t Optional Anymore (Especially in Midlife)

Why Fun Isn’t a Reward – It’s the Fuel

Have you ever caught yourself thinking, “I’ll get to the fun stuff once everything else is done”?

I’ve said it more times than I can count, usually while staring down a to-do list that somehow keeps regenerating like a weed I swear I just pulled.

Let me tell you something I’ve learned the hard way: Fun isn’t the cherry on top of a busy life. It’s the fuel that helps us power through it – especially in midlife, when exhaustion and chronic busyness quietly pile up.

For the longest time, I wore productivity like a badge of honor – a mindset that so many of us carry straight into midlife. I’ll get to the fun stuff once I finish the work, I told myself – as if joy were some kind of reward you unlock at the end of a long day.

But let’s be honest: that moment never really arrives.

The list never ends. There is always one more email, one more task, one more “should” that jumps to the front of the line. So I kept postponing the life I actually wanted to live.

It was like saving the best bite of dessert for last, only to find that by the time you get there, you’re already full. You’re too tired and too “stuffed” with the day’s stress to even taste the sweetness – a familiar feeling for anyone experiencing midlife burnout. Cue Alanis Morissette: “Isn’t it ironic?”

The Shift: Making Joy the Main Course

Then something clicked. What if I’ve been getting the order of the menu backwards?

What if fun isn’t the reward we earn after the work is done, but the very thing that helps us do the work better in the first place? I decided to stop treating joy like an optional topping and started treating it like the main course.

I began experimenting with small, intentional “tastes” of dessert woven into the middle of ordinary days:

• A walk with my husband in the middle of a busy afternoon.
• Saying yes to a spontaneous coffee date.
• Spending ten minutes on a jigsaw puzzle after lunch – just because it makes me happy.

Something unexpected happened. My anxiety eased. My energy lifted. Even more surprising? The to-do list still got done, often more efficiently, because I wasn’t running on empty. (Cue Jackson Browne).

Fun as a Catalyst

Fun isn’t a distraction from real life. It’s what helps us digest it.

When we allow ourselves moments of joy, our nervous system settles, which is essential for emotional well-being in midlife. Our creativity wakes up. Our capacity expands. We stop operating from depletion and start responding from presence.

I know this can feel unrealistic when you’re carrying the weight of caregiving, career, or just being the one who holds it all together – especially when work-life balance in midlife feels impossible. But even in a full life, a few intentional minutes of joy can be the difference between burning out and burning bright.

When was the last time you gave yourself permission to step away from the to-do list – not because everything was crossed off, but because you simply chose to?

Try This: The “Dessert-First” Challenge

This week, choose one bite-sized activity that genuinely brings you joy, and do it before you feel like you’ve earned it.

• Play with your dog for five minutes.
• Listen to a song that makes you want to dance while the coffee brews.
• Read a few pages of that book on your nightstand before you start your chores.

Start small. You don’t need permission, and you don’t need to finish the “vegetables” of your to-do list first.

Because fun isn’t what you do after life is handled. It’s what helps you handle life in the first place – and reclaim joy without guilt.

“Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes – including you.” — Anne Lamott